I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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