is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
