Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Found your dick twin last night
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
