so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
