Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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