i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Did I show you my penis last night?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
