Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
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