no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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