My friends, they love my intelligence
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
