I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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