Sober January is a disaster.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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