i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
