My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
