i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
