When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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