I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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