I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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