Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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