as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
