OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
