I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
