Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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