He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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