ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
