I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
