a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
