I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize