bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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