I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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