I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
