Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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