The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
