i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
