he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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