He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
