Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
