he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
