1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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