i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
