You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
