help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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