Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
