you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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