Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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