A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The uberlube is also flammable
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
