apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
