all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
