Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize