I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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