He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
