the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
