Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
