The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
