wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
