Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize