Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
