So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
