is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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