remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
