ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
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