So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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