he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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