i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
