White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's never too late to be topless.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
